Love is precious. Love has the power to transform. There are different kinds of love from platonic to romantic. Some people search their whole lives for it, always chasing but never finding the love that really speaks to their heart or don’t recognize it when they feel it because their understanding of love isn’t clear. Others find the love of their dreams and hold tight to it nurturing and cultivating.

Many aren’t sure of what love is. They believe that love must hurt or that love is full of problems when pure love is neither. In the name of love they settle on things that disturb their soul and makes them feel imprisoned. Unconditional love makes you feel free so to be loved is freedom.

Self love is the most important love. With self love comes much freedom. You are free from the condemnation of others. Your opinion of you is what matters most. One who loves themselves will make better choices for themself than one who doesn’t. They know their worth and don’t settle on things that are deal breakers.

Familial love sometimes lays the basis for how we love ourselves. As parents and other family members we have a responsibility to make one another feel safe to be themselves without fear of not impressing us. One can teach their child without being overbearing. Children who are stifled from expressing their personality are being set up at an early age to be under the control of someone else.

Each of us have our own path and life mission and who are we to impose our view of what should or shouldn’t be on someone else. What feels wrong to one person might feel great to someone else. No one can tell you how to be you better than you. Your soul truly knows in which way you should turn.

Romance can actually do more harm than good when it’s not coming from a true place of love. Love is freedom and not chained down. When you truly love someone romantically you aren’t intimidated by them improving themself. You aren’t worried about them moving beyond you if they begin to fully appreciate themself. You know that the bonds of love makes both of you enough.

Romantic love can make you feel encouraged. It can inspire. You feel free as a bird. You can be yourself in every way imaginable. You have no qualms about sharing the deepest parts of you with your significant other.

Unfortunately some who claim to be in love try to control every aspect of their mate like as if they are in imaginary chains, just waiting for their approval on every aspect of their life. They want full control over their hair, clothing, shoes, entertainment, thoughts and feelings too. They feel the need to approve every aspect of their significant other’s life and they feel insecure and angry whenever that mate deviates from doing exactly as they say.

Control isn’t love. Not allowing one to be themself isn’t loving. Trying to chain someone up in the name of love isn’t healthy. One who is trying to love someone else that way is blatantly showing just how much they don’t love themself. They don’t feel secure enough about themself to feel secure enough to be loved by someone else who is secure with themself. They feel threatened when their mate tries to improve themself unless it is something that they’ve deemed necessary or they are overly critical demanding their mate to adhere to their views or beliefs.

What if someone means well? Maybe some will argue that point to defend their relationship. But how can someone else tell you how to best be you when they’ve never been you before? This type of love isn’t balanced as one is trying to control the experiences of both parties instead of reciprocating the give and take of a relationship.

One who wields love like a chain in lock is one who will wind up losing. Being loved in a way that is demeaning wears on ones spirit. We naturally gravitate towards that which makes us feel good and in that same notion we turn aside from that which makes us feel bad even if it takes a while. The quickest way to lose someone is to make the vibes feel bad between you.

To be loved is to be free. If freedom isn’t involved then it isn’t love. Real love allows for individuality, enjoyment of both parties and growth. Love inspires, motivates, encourages and heals. Love feels good to the soul.

Love and light,

Alice Coaxum

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